One More Thing...
My Economic Predictions for 2010
Early in my adult life, I was what people often call a “professional college student”. I loved going to college. And I admit that many of the reasons I loved it had little to do with getting an education, at least in the conventional sense. But this isn’t the time or place to get into all of that. The point is that when all was said and done – after about seven years – I came away from my college career with a graduate degree in economics and student loans that took nearly 20 years to pay off (I’m not kidding).
So I am, technically, an economist, even though I have little to show for it up to now other than a near perfect winning record in beer can shooting contests (and no, you don’t do it with a gun). But with the grim economy on everyone’s mind these days, I thought maybe it was time to put my status as an economist to some kind of use here in the Blue Mountain News. So here now are my . . .
Top Ten Economic Predictions for 2010
From an Actual Economist
- Gas will continue to be cheaper than water. The average price of a pint of bottled water at the grocery store is about 89 cents. That works out to $7.12 per gallon. Think about it.
- The Federal Reserve will consider further reductions in interest rates next year. If this happens, banks will actually have to pay us to borrow money from them. I say go for it!
- Based on current trends, credit card interest rates will exceed 100% by the end of 2010. Yes, this will happen simultaneously with Number 2. The problem is that you’ll never be able to borrow enough money to pay off your credit card.
- By the end of next year, the only people who will be able to qualify for a mortgage will be those whose homes are paid off.
- After “dot com” stocks and residential real estate, the next big economic bubble will be groceries. Speculators will begin buying up canned vegetables, Special K and frozen waffles (there’s already an Eggo shortage) with the hope of “flipping” them in a few months for huge profits. When the bubble pops, food prices will plunge and at least a dozen “grocery billionaires” in their mid-twenties will face financial ruin and have all of their houses and yachts confiscated. We’ll enter another huge recession, but at least we’ll all eat well.
- “Sin taxes” will become so high that news stories will begin appearing about the “patriotic contributions” of smokers, drinkers and gamblers.
- The smart investment money in 2010 will be in coffee shops and WiFi hot spots. This is because next year approximately 11.5% of the working-age population will spend most of their time in these places with their laptops. They’ll be polishing up their resumes and reading each others’ blogs about funny job interview experiences and the cute things their kids say about having a mommy or daddy who doesn’t work.
- There will be no unemployed baristas.
- In 2010, congressional Republicans will propose eliminating all taxes indefinitely, while Democrats will attempt to nationalize every industry in the country – except the news media (only because that’s unconstitutional).
- Newspaper publishers will strongly endorse both plans, as long as the government promises to buy more advertising.
I predict that every one of the above predictions has just as much chance of coming true as any economic forecast you’ll see coming from a legitimate economist.
With that, Happy New Year and, in spite of the economy, I hope you have a great 2010!